So I am exhausted!… It is Sunday, early evening and I have spent the last hour (ok two) in a whirlwind of wondering aimlessly in a dizzy brain spin of halfhearted (severed) emotions… Yikes, this place in weird. It is So fucking WEIRD! I set out with a direction, I promise you I did… It was to find something interesting and perhaps even useful and if relayed correctly, it would ultimately INSPIRE you???
What I have arrived at is overwhelm. I am completely depleted from admiring and judging and comparing and delving and longing and involving myself (emotionally) in affairs that are not mine to ponder… There was even a point at which the beauty and inspiration looked somehow ugly and diluted, it felt like inspiration torture… Just as people have become progressively desensitized by violence on TV, I feel as though I am being a little bit desensitized by beauty, design and cool shit on the internet. Meanwhile, the affairs that ARE mine, and the beauty that IS mine, I have neglected entirely… No, dinner is not on, laundry is not switched, clothes are not put away… My grubby little kid is not in a bath! And now I am sitting here writing this… My word I am a lump at the moment? Seriously, I fell in to a black hole and I feel yucky. Who cares about Tom Cruse being an alien mind reader (scientologist) or Nicole Richy when she was haggard (she wasn’t always so stylish you know)? Who cares about some random, abandoned, craft blog that hasn’t been written in it 7 years!? Who cares about beautiful pictures of rope or the trajectory of Kate Moss’ career. I don’t know these people, why am I investing??? I don’t know it just happened! I could not guide you from point A to point Z (nor would you want to go). On the positive note I am pretty sure I did something completely unique tonight that can never be replicated, in it’s exact contents at least, you know, the plethora of garbage I just filled my head with has most likely not ever been shoved into any human’s brain in that precise order before.. By generic act however, this type of nonsense happens on gazillions of computers, everyday, around the world… Perhaps you are doing it now, sorry you had to land on this rant.
Well I wanted to inspire you… I am pretty sure I can mark “F” in that box… But I am hoping I have said something you can at least relate to… I know for me this feeling is not new, in fact every time I hop on the internet at 9pm and and not off till 1am and I have spent another night without connecting to my husband who is, himself, wandering around in a totally different world on his own device, I feel this disappointment. Maybe I am just sensitive or maybe I should make a shift in my ratios… This all sounds way more ranty and dramatic than it is. And perhaps I’ve gotten it all out now? Really I just wanted to write… That, I HAVE done and what came out is more authentic than a picture of a waify model in bad 90’s clothes with a face to counter act the hideous outfit and a hair do situation that looks fucking awesome on her but would be just plan old plan on you or I… But here’s that picture any way… Because, of course I need a picture… (I don’t have that picture yet… But watch! I will go find it… If I ever make it back to this post again, you will see that I am a fortune teller… Oh it is out there, and I’mona get it…
Ah-ha! Found one and it only took about 3 minutes! (that is a millisecond in internet time)